I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
