My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
