I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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