I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
