So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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