I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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