Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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