Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
