atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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