wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
