Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
