Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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