Sry I called you an 8
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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