He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
