oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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