Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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