Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
