I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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