I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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