Moan for me like Helen Keller
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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