Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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