i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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