Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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