Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
