i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
