I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
