I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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