Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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