After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
