I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
