Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
