i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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