have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
