I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
