I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
