i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
