whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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