ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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