Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
