His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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