We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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