Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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