This is not my ceiling
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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