The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
