Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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