My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
