At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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