I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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