well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
