god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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