It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
