I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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